Sep 29, 2014

Of Love, Hate and Vengeances

It's been a long and tiring weekend. A really long tiring weekend. I spent my weekend longing to go out because when I'm home, all I could think of is how could he? How could he rudely messaged my mother and blackmailed her? I mean after all what's your fucking problem seriously? Is he mental or something? And then he wanted to ask money. Assort money from my mum but have no balls to come and talk to me. I mean what kind person are you? What have you turned into? Like I knew you were an idiot all these while but not to this extend of fucked up. Like I couldn't wrap my brain around it. Is like harassing my mother wasn't enough, he went and harass my friend. Telling his same old pathetic sob stories thinking people would actually believe him. I feel so stupid thinking everything would be fine. As long as he's not in my life anymore, everything is alright. Nope. As much as I would like to feel sorry for him, I just can't bring myself to admit this person is someone I used to love because it's disgusting. Every aspect of him now is disgusting me. I used to think back all our memories and they were pretty good until yesterday. I feel disgusted. Not even our memories could make me feel better about it. It's just disgusting how one will fall trap into things like money and drugs. Like how more retarded can he be? I was so disgusted to a point that I deleted all of our pictures of my phone, Macbook and Instagram. I never used to delete anything from my Instagram because for me Instagram is like a walk down memory lane, good or bad I would like to keep it there but what he did was too much. Just way too much. I couldn't handle it. While I was deleting all the pictures, I do not feel anything but regret that at one point of my life I wanted him so badly I was too blind to see that there's so much more the world could offer me. I literally let him into my life and break my heart into pieces. I've never felt so stupid before. Now we now how blind one can be when it comes to love. I don't even think I ever can imagine myself being that kind of gf but now whatever it is, I am glad to know that I could move without him. Even all these threats and all no longer affect me anymore. I am glad I grow out of it. Although it made me a little restless and obviously furious but the more I though about it, the more sense it made, there's no point getting all worked up over someone who's as rotten as he is. Is like being mental with a mental. I am fine but I really do hope this person would fucking leave me alone because I just can't deal with him anymore. With his childishness, idiotic act, brainless word diarrhea that comes out from him. I am so sick of it already. It's like 4 years is not long enough, after breaking up I still need to deal with him? I really do hope this will end ASAP because 2014 has been bad enough for me coz of him and I still have to deal with him until when? I am so ready to put all these behind me and pretend none of this happens but he's just like an annoying pest that wont leave you alone. He could have just left when he was at his best and leave the best memory but he have to tint it with all these nonsense. I seriously don't understand. Maybe some people just can't stand the idea that I am moving on and being happy and all. I guess this is a lesson myself, do not trust people so easily anymore. It might be hard because but it's just sad that I have to be this person whereby i doubt everyone and build these high walls because I used to be very trusting towards others and always believe in the good of many but I guess I had to join the mean mean world of society and accept the fact life isn't like how it used to and there are no longer anyone is sincere towards you anymore. Every act and thinking is a motive.

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