Boys.....

To be honest, I have been dating since I was like what?14?15?I can't even remember till recently I'm single again. It feels weird to be single. This kind of freedom, I'm not used to it but somehow I vaguely remember how I used to have this kind of fun while being in a relationship but somehow always followed up with a guilt at the back of your mind. You know how you have to lie and all just because you want to have fun? At this moment, I kinda miss where you can go home to someone and tell someone how's your day and problems or gossip or just anything under the stars but then again I think about all the hassle of how I need to please the other person. Is like its bad enough I have to please my mother ( she's one difficult person to please mind you) I have to please this another person. God why don't you just kill me NOW! Being single has given me a lot of opportunity to go out and meet new people but so far none of them has given the feeling whereby I am willing to give up my freedom. Am I really getting older and becoming more picky when it comes to guys? Or is it because my last relationship was literally the most fucked up relationship I ever had that I no longer want to get my heart broken or getting hurt anymore? Or maybe all the guys I meet are still BOYS? I'm not talking about age, I'm talking about maturity and the people that are surrounding me currently are all BOYS! I wan a man now, not a boy! I wan someone who will inspire me intellectually. Someone who will give me security and someone who can provide me stability. WOW! So many requirement. You know what? Such guys does not exist. He only exist in movies and books. I feeling a little like Carrie Bradshaw right now looking for love. But its easier for her to meet guys while me on the other hand only staring at guys thru my phone or computer. It's so weird with all these technology we still feel so lonely. Aren't these technology suppose to help us? Help us communicate better with others? Connect with others better? So why are feeling even more lonelier than ever? WHY? I guess i will never get my answer till then children remember "BOYS ARE BAD NEWS"! They go around and break your heart and make you sad.