There's no certain definite answer on what makes me happy right?Some days is ice cream but other time when you walk into the grocery store and they had ran out of your favorite ice cream and you have to choose the second best option and that happiness level just went down isn't it?You're not as happy as having your favorite ice cream.
I'm just trying to say it all depends on the mood situation and the moment you're in.I am not trying to be ungrateful or saying I'm having a bad life.Don't get me wrong.I am very blessed and grateful to be given a life like this whereby I don't have to work like crazy to own all the material items I have but at the same time I am trying to find myself in this world.
Obviously with all these given to me,my parents have certain expectation towards me and their expectations is a complete opposite of what I am.Is not that I am trying to go against them or what so ever but is just that I am at this cross road in life where I'm confused,scared and feeling guilty for all the mistake I've done that I do not know how to undone it.It's just scary to think how you have to disappoint your parents again.It's just scary.
BUT at the same time I want to be my own person.I want to be able to do what I want.I want to have my own freedom to roam the world and embrace whatever there is and please myself at my own pace.Can you see the dilemma I'm having?I also wish I was the perfect child that everyone would envy.Smart,pretty,successful and earn my first million by the time I am 21 but sadly I'm not.I'm just an ordinary girl who fucks up every chance she have.
I have not accomplish anything in life.I always wasting my time and money on the wrong people and I would give myself excuses like it's a lesson in life and I have to learn it but honestly I learn nothing and repeat the same mistake all over again. So at the end of the day I ask myself "what do I want in life?" and there's a long silent between myself.
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