Oct 23, 2011

At first I think it's great that I'm talking to you again. but when we started talking,flash back came in. Bringing back old memories. And I start to realize how much I really miss us and how I really want you back. But then I remember, you don't need me like I need you.

And it hurts.

Someone once told me: "with each time you cry, you become stronger. Feelings are like tears, it will stream down your face and it will dry in time. Your heart dies a little more each time and soon you become numb"

It's true.

I'm pretty numb. But somewhere deep down in my heart, I'm still trying to protect that last bit of feelings I have for you. I never want to forget you. Even heartbreak is a gift from you to me now.

I'm angry, I'm mad and I'm disappointed. I can't be happy for you because I'm selfish. Love is selfish. Fuck the crap about being happy for someone if you love them.

Even if nobody in this entire world knows, you should know. Nobody knows what exactly happened. People will always see what they see and assume what they think it is. But you are not people.

Everyone wants to know why I won't let go. It's because if I walk away, I know you won't come after me. I don't think I'm silly. I know I've been hurt time and time again, but my heart says I'm on the right track.

"i knew from the moment we met, that you'd be hard to forget. Do you realised what you are to me? And what you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life, everyone else will only be second best. There will never be another you. I wish I could be telling the truth when I say I'm over you. You don't just stop loving someone. You either never did or always will. I don't want you to know so I try to be strong. I don't want you to think that without you I can't go on. But that's just how it is. Without you, there's no me."

"I think one of the worst feelings in the world, right behind heartbreak, is that disgustingly empty feeling you get right after you spill your heart out and lay all your cards on the table. Right after you get the courage to say everything you have been feeling and be completely and recklessly honest. it's that feeling you get right after you risk everything, and he just walks away. Because then you'd realise that you just lost. You just lost everything you didn't even know you had when you said "what do I have to lose?"

There's no use fighting this feeling.

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