feelings

u know it's been awhile since i actually write down what do i really feel inside me.i always choose blog post that rather not that personal and write what i done,where i been and things like that because i fear that ppl might judge me if i put my guard down.is just a fear guess but the reason why i had blog in the first place is to share my feelings with others isn't it?

i do not know why ppl like to think that i'm ok being pushed around and they can go all over me.i seriously do not get it.i might not portrait much of my temper problems but i do have my problems and secret and insecurity.is just not written all over my face.i might try to distract myself but problems won't just go away even if u want it to right?

sometime i wish i was tougher?i wish i could stand up for myself?i wish i could tell them off but i also have my fears of losing ppl from my life.i am only human and pleasing ppl seem like the only thing to make ppl stay in ur life.but is pleasing ppl makes me happy?nope.so why am i doing it?i do not know.

sometimes i wish i too could be emo.like those emo ppl u see in fb twitter and all but i can't.i just can't.when i am feeling sad,i would love to suppress it until it goes away but it doesn't.i would pretend to go out with my friends and laugh it away and act like ntg happen but actually what i wanna do most is cry my heart out but then again i'm a big girl,i do not wanna cry anymore.

i'm strong.i can smile trough it all and i'll be fine.to every problem there is a solution and all i gotta to do is have the courage to face it.it's ok.life still goes on and i know i will be fine.better things r coming.i must be optimistic because if i do not help myself noone else will.